20 Ways to Annoy a Potions Master
by Zombie Reine
Summary: Hermione makes a bet with Ron and decides to "have a little fun" by driving the resident Potions Master insane. Pranks, tomfoolery and hijinks ensue. This story will be taken over by another author, will update when details have been finalized.
1. The List

**NOTICE:**

I've given this up for adoption to another writer. I'll make a new post with details later. :)

* * *

(Ones already used, or currently in use, will be italicized and bold.)

Hermione's Diabolical List to Annoy Severus Snape

* * *

01·Every time Snape says a fact raise your hand and repeat it in the form of a question.

_**02·Bring candy to class and eat it, when he tells you to put it away try to bribe him to let you keep eating it with the same candy he told you to put away.**_

03·Follow him around during your free time, when he asks you to stop following him tell him you just happen to be going where he is.

**_04·Intentionally make the wrong potion during class, preferably one that either explodes, stinks, or turns the hair of everyone in the room pink_**

_**05·Ask him if he is going to cheer on the Gryffindor quidditch team every day until Gryffindor plays Slytherin.**_

06·Start a rumor that Professor Snape likes Professor Trelawny, make sure Trelawny hears.

07·For a whole day when you're around Professor Snape talk in rhymes.

08·Dress up like Snape, act like him, and talk like him for a day.

**_09·Everytime Snape looks at you blow him a kiss and wink._**

10·Storm out in the middle of potions class muttering about Nargles and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.

**_11·Get detention with Snape then show up late. When he yells at you tell him you were POSITIVE he said it was half a hour later than what it really was._**

_**12·Go to his room in the middle of the night, knock, tell him you had nightmares and need someone to read you a bedtime story. When he refuses ask him to be your teddy bear instead.**_

_**13·Insist to Professor Snape that you think he would look dashing in Gold and Red.**_

_**14·Ask Snape to go with you to the Halloween Ball as Wendy and Peter Pan.**_

_**15·Smack on bubblegum in class until he notices, when he glares or tells you to throw it away look him in the eye and blow a bubble.**_

**_16·Try to give Snape a hug after every class_**

17·Scream in the middle of class, tell him you saw a spider on Ron's shoulder.

18·Make an unofficial opposite day, let everyone but the teachers in on it

_**19·Charm Snape's quill to only write nice things on student's papers when he grades them**_

20·Everytime Snape walks play the "Jaws" theme song.


	2. The Dare

**Reine:** Takes place Eighth year, they all come back after seventh year because well. . . The war! No, Snape doesn't die! YOU CAN'T KILL OFF MY SNAPE!

**Snape: **Who says I'm yours?

**Reine: **I can make you say whatever I want, J.K. May of made and owns you but I AM REWRITING YOU!

**Snape: **Clearly Reine has gone insane, my apologies dear readers.

**Reine: **Get over yourself you snarky git and kiss me.

**Snape: **I would rather kiss Nagini.

**Reine: ** Fine! *****goes off in corner to cry***** Go read the blasted story ;-;

* * *

Hermione was studying her book while eating her morning toast and occasionally taking sips of pumpkin juice when Ron, mouth full of food, started talking to her.

"Mione, when are you going to stop reading and have a little fun?" Hermione balked instead of replying right away, when would he learn to chew and swallow before talking?

"First off Ron, do not talk with your mouth stuffed full of food, and secondly I am having fun. Just because I'm not breaking rules three times a day doesn't mean I'm bored."

"Oh, come off it!" Ron's face was red from the comment about his food and it made him a little snide, "You're just a boring bookworm, always have always will be."

Instead of getting sad and crying like she would of done in First Year she instead got angry, "You little prat! Ron that is completely uncalled for and untrue. I could break the rules anytime I please. Just because I find being SMART fun. . ." she trailed off, hoping he would catch the insult. She was not disappointed.

"I bet you couldn't even get one detention."

"I could too, frankly Ron, I bet I could make any teacher here go insane."

"Alright then, prove it. For the rest of the year I dare you to annoy Professor Snape."

"Deal, but if I do it you have to do anything I say for a day." the words came out of her mouth but what went through her head was, 'Oh God what have I gotten myself into, Snape will kill me before the year is through'.

"And If I win, Mione, you obey me for a day."

"You are on!"

Harry just groaned into his oatmeal and tried to ignore his bickering friends.


	3. Exploding Euphoria

**Reine: ** Alright Sevvi-kins, this is where the true fun begins! **Rubs hands together and grins evil-ishly***

**Snape: **Don't call me that, or I will Avada you!

**Reine: **Puh-lease, you are as gooey as a marshmallow deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep down.

**Snape: ** I don't know if I should be offended that you called me gooey as a marshmallow or that if I am it's very well hidden. . .

**Reine:** Well, I love you and your snark and git-like behavior.

**Snape: **If thats what is attracting you to me I'm considering being nice for once.

**Reine: ** YOU WOULD BECOME NICE FOR ME! OH SEVVIE I LOVE YOU!

**Snape: **Merlin help me.

* * *

Hermione was the first to reach potions class that day, the bet she made with Ron kept replaying in her head. She knew she could pull it off, the question was, could she survive the wrath of HIM.

"Hey Herms, you're here pretty early." The words had a double meaning to them, but Hermione was a smart girl and caught up on it. Ron, how he ever got in Advanced Potions she would never know, was asking her if she was ready.

"Yes, Ron, I'm here. Didn't think I wouldn't show up, did you?" She asked while the rest of the students shuffled in, none looking too pleased to spend time in the dungeons with the dreaded Potions Master.

"The great Hermione miss class? I would never of guessed it, you would rather lose an arm than that."

Harry sighed and sat down between the two, once again they were bickering and it left him in the middle, "Oh, you two, lay off it!"

"Whatever." mumbled Ron at the same time Hermione huffed out, "Fine."

From the head of the room Snape swooped in, robes billowing, trademark sneer in place. "Today the potion you will be brewing is not a complicated potion, so you should be able to not screw it up." He looked over at Neville while he said the last part, "Mister Longbottom, why in God's name have you come back to torment my classroom? No, don't answer, I don't care." Instead of listening to Neville's stuttering he went and sat down to grade papers, expecting them to get started on the potion written on the blackboard.

"Blood Replenishing Potion," Hermione muttered under her breath, "This is too easy, I can't believe he is giving us this to do."

Harry and Ron just rolled there eyes at her, while for her it was easy they were going to have trouble doing it What they didn't see was Hermione getting a very evil look on her face. She figured out how she was going to go about annoying Professor Snape.

Hermione instead of getting the required ingredients got very different ones indeed, and prayed that this would be one of those classes where Snape was so intent on grading he wouldn't walk around to examine potions.

Luckily for Hermione he did not go around examining their potions or he would of noticed the potion she made was sunshine yellow, she was making an euphoria potion. One without peppermint to counter-balance the side effects which include singing, dancing, and nose tweaking along other things. Next she found a little vial of Exploding Liquid. Smiling she emptied the contents into her potion.

The class had just been minding their own business, they were almost done with their potions when suddenly a cauldron exploded and the whole class was covered in a yellow liquid. Suddenly the class was in mass chaos due to the fact that most of them accidentally got some in their mouths.

Half the class was trying to figure out what was on them and in quite a panic, the other half was in a delirious state of happiness. The happy half had begun to dance and sing and run around laughing at nothing while Hermione just stood there with a self-satisfied smirk. Ron had been one of the ones to swallow the potion. Looking up she noticed Professor Snape glaring at her.

"Uh-oh." Perfect, Snape knows it's me, quick Hermione, do something.

"MISS GRANGER DETENTION WITH ME TONIGHT!" He boomed out, forgetting to take off points in his anger. Using a cleaning charm he glared at her, "Don't even try to talk your way out of this one." Sneering he looked at some of the remains of her potion in her cauldron. "This is clearly your work, why you would do it I don't know, but even you are not idiotic enough to accidentally create the wrong potion perfectly, and then explode a cauldron."

"Uhm, Professor. . ."

"Miss Granger, don't talk to me right now, I can't stand your Know-It-All voice on a good day, lets not push it. Class is dismissed, if you were induced with the Euphoria potion go up to the hospital wing to see Poppy."

Before he knew what was happening Hermione rushed up to hug him, "I'm so sorry professor I didn't really mean for this to happen." Snape squirmed out of her arms though and growled, "Make that detention tonight and tomorrow after dinner, and 50 points from Gryffindor."

By the time Hermione made it to lunch after potions she noticed her a lot of her classmates looking at the others strangely. Apparently there was nothing to do but let the elixir run it's course because they were all going completely bark raving mad. Ron was using gravy to paint whiskers on his face and singing some song from the musical "Cats" that Hermione took him and Harry to see. Neville was dancing and pretending to steal people's noses . Oh God, she thought, is that Blaise with a shoe on his head?

Hermione did the one thing people never thought, she clutched her sides and started laughing, she was practically rolling on the floor during lunch. Every time though she was about to stop she would see someone else doing something absurd and just start laughing again. That was until Neville came by and tripped over her, stood up, and forced her to dance with him.

"Mione." Ron said later that day in Transfiguration.

"Yes, Ron?"

"That was the most brilliant thing ever, I mean it was all fuzzy but that old bat's face when he noticed it was your fault, nearly had a heart attack he did!"

"Wait until you see what I have planned tomorrow, and not to mention for detention tonight!"

"Mister Weasley, Miss Granger, do not talk during class." Professor McGonagall scolded the two before going back to lecturing on animagi.

"What do you have planned?" Ron whispered.

"That's for you to find out later." she said grinning. Hermione was reluctant to start this whole thing but she had to admit, while it wasn't as fun as studying it was still quite exhilarating to be bad!


	4. Why Sevvikins Hates Goldfish

**Reine: **I hope you enjoyed Chapter Three, Sevvi

**Snape: **I hate you so much. . .

**Reine: **Aww, but _Severus _that isn't what you told me last night. *winkwink*

**Snape: **You're right, what I told you last night was as follows. Get the hell out of my bed!

**Reine: **Ah, good times

**Dumbledore: **It's good to see young love.

**Reine: **Isn't it? We are indeed madly in love. *hugs Sevvi*

**Snape: **Bu. . .. You're de. . . This ca. . .

**Dumbledore: **Ah, either he loves you so much he's speechless or it's because he missed me. *Wipes tear*

**Snape: **Just get on with the story. *Grumbles*

* * *

Hermione Bloody Granger was late. Didn't that blasted girl realize he had more important things to do than wait _thirty minutes _for her to show up to detention. When that girl finally arrived he was going to have a thing or two to say to her. . .

"Hello Professor." the cheery call came from the object of his murder fantasies.

"I said detention at eight, not eight-thirty Miss Granger." the words sounded like the hissing of a snake.

"I could of sworn you said eight-thirty, Sir, are you completely sure?" He just glared at her and pointed towards the Potions classroom.

"I want those cauldrons _spotless , _Miss Granger. Do not talk to me unless it's very important or you're about to die. Oh, and no magic."

Hermione just smiled and nodded thinking that it was a good thing he didn't say she wouldn't do. . . other things.

Severus Snape sat at his desk and was grading papers when he heard _it. _The blasted girl was singing some bloody muggle song. He tried to ignore her, he tried droning the music out but it seemed like her voice was burrowing into his mind and wouldn't leave.

_"Wait what am I doing?- where am I going? dunno who I am uh - I forget - I feel wet is this water? I'm in a bowl , I gotta Polaroid camera I'll use it! Click! Wait I'm a fish. and I'm gold. I'm a goldfish, quick lick stick it on the wall to remember!"_ Hermione sang the goldfish song, knowing it was the one thing she could sing without obviously singing to annoy him. Well. . . Maybe it was obvious. She nearly grinned when she looked up to see him glaring at her, instead she blew him a kiss and winked before continuing her song.

_"Wait what am I doing? where am I going? dunno who I am uh I forget I feel wet is this water? what have I got? I got a picture of a goldfish on a wall of whats this? Ah, Im in a bowl I gotta Polaroid camera I'll use it! Click! Wait I'm a fish.. and I'm gold.. I'm a goldfish! Quick Lick stick it on the wall to remember!" _

Severus looked at her in pure horror, the first verse was barely tolerable. The second verse was mind boggling. But the third verse started making his eye twitch. She was trying to drive him crazy, but he would win. He wouldn't give into her game. He wouldn't let himself be bothered by songs, kisses, nor winks.

_"Wait what am I doing? where am I going? Dunno who I am uh I forget I feel wet is this water? Am I swimming? There's a bubble - is there trouble? Should I run? Ah! I got no legs dunno what I am! Uh, what have I got? I got two pictures of goldfish on the inner edge of this glass dish, is it a dish? Naaah its more like. . . Im in a bowl I gotta Polaroid camera Ill use it! Click! Wait.. Im a fish.. and Im gold.. Im a goldfish! Quick, lick stick it on the wall to remember!"_

He. Would. Not. Give. In.

_"Wait what am I doing? Where am I going? Dunno who I am! Uh, I forget! I feel wet is this water? Am I swimming? Am I a whale? Theres a snail I dont wanna eat it so I'm not a bird. Oh, this is absurd! Ah, theres a bubble is there trouble? Should I run? Ah! I got no legs! Dunno what I am, do I earn a salary? Ah, Im in a gallery! Look three photographs of goldfish on the inner edge of this glass.. well would you call it a dish? Nah, Its almost vase-ish. Its glass-ish. Bless my soul I'm in a bowl! I gotta Polaroid camera Ill use it! Click! Wait I'm a fish and I'm gold, I'm a goldfish! Quick lick stick it on the wall to remember! Wait!"_

"DETENTION!" he shouted before composing himself. "Another three detentions for singing the most annoyingly absurd song in the world. From now on no talking, no humming, and absolutely no **singing**." If looks could kill, Hermione would not be alive any longer. "You may go, Miss Granger." he spat her name out with pure loathing, "Don't be late for detention tomorrow or you will regret it."

Hermione tried to look chastised, and blew him one last kiss before leaving his dungeon. Snape saw through all of this of course, Hermione Granger was not fooling him. She was trying to intentionally get to him, well two could play at this game.


	5. Twizzlers, Hugs and Quidditch

Hermione smiled and patted the pocket of her robes. She had a special _treat_ planned for class today. Oh, yes, a very sweet one. Grinning Hermione spotted her professor glaring at her from the High Table, she just blew him a kiss and went to her seat. Today was the start of quidditch practice so Ron and Harry would be talking about nothing else. The joys of having male friends, she thought sarcastically.

"Hermione, how was detention last night?" Ron asked with his mouth full of food, Lord knows how he talked without spitting it everywhere.

"Well, I think at this rate I'm going to have detention all year long." Harry and Ron both winced in sympathy, and Hermione couldn't blame them. She was beginning to think that one day of bossing Ron around wouldn't be near enough.

"What do you have planned for today?" The question came from Seamus, the whole student body knew by now what was going on and loved it. Even the Slytherins were amused at Hermiones antics.

"You'll just have to wait and see!" Hermione sang the words out with a grin. Once again she patted her pocket, smiling secretively.

"I don't know if I should be worried or not, last time Hermione did something during class Blaise ended up wearing a _shoe _ as a hat for a _whole fricken day!_

"I don't know, he looked pretty cute with a shoe hat." Hermione winked at Seamus.

"Well, don't ever do it again." Harry complained, "I don't want to have to hear Ron sing every song from Cats the Musical _again_."

"Oi! I wasn't that bad!"

"Yes, you were!" chorused Harry, Hermione, and Seamus at the same time, then burst into laughter.

"Ugh, anyway I can't wait for quidditch tryouts."

"You know you'll make the team." Harry said comfortingly, "You're even better than last year."

Hermione looked at the clock and grinned, it was almost 9 am, time for double potions with Slytherins. Oh this was going to be a joyous day!

Right in the middle of potions Snape could hear giggles. Who the hell would giggle during potions and risk his wrath? He had his suspicions. . . Glaring up from his paper he saw _her_ eating. . . He wasn't quite sure what they were. They looked like candy ropes, and they were red.

"Hermione Granger!" He barked out, "What in the world are you _eating_?"

"Twizzlers" she said through a mouthful of the. . . candy. When she finished the one she was on she pulled another out of her pocket and chomped on it.

"I don't know what a Twistler is but you cannot eat in my classroom. 3O points from Gryffindor and another detention. I want you to put that candy away and get to work!"

"Are you sure you want me to put them away?" She asked innocently, a wicked gleam in her eye gave her away though.

"Miss Granger, do _not _ test my patience." Any sane person would of just given in, but whoever said Hermione was sane?

"I think we can come to an _agreement _ Professor." She wiggled her eyebrows as if they were sharing a secret and pushed a Twizzler towards him. "Let's say you never _saw_ me eating candy."

The little chit was trying to bribe him! With candy at that!

"Miss Granger! I do _not _ want any of that muggle candy. I will _not_ be bribed with it." Seriously, did she mistake him for Dumbledore? "Now, before I lose all patience put it away." His voice was dangerous, warning her that he was really going to start getting nasty.

Pouting she put the candy away and got back to work. She wasn't quite over yet, Poor Snape wouldn't know what hit him, she thought grinning.

After class was over and most of the students were gone Hermione sneaked closer to him.

"What do you want Miss Granger?"

"Sir, Are you going to cheer for the Gryffindor quidditch team?" The question came out innocently. Her eyes were wide and convincing, smile earnest. Snape was not fooled.

"Why in the world would I cheer for a bunch of dunderheads?" The words came out sneered and hateful. "Seriously girl, what has gotten into you. First you were just an annoying Know-It-All, now you're just plain annoying!"

"Professor?"

He massaged his temples and closed his eyes. "What."

"See you tonight at detention." She gave him a quick hug and ran for the door, unable to see the puzzled look on his face as she left him alone.


	6. Bubblegum Vendetta

"Miss Granger, today you will be checking, counting, and making a list of the ingredients in the supply closet. I suggest you start immediately." Snape's so-called suggestion was a order, and she knew it. Sighing she broke one of his rules, she began to talk to him.

"Professor," she began eying him up and down, "I think you would look quite dashing in red and gold, instead of black."

"I believe this topic is irrelevant, get to work."

"I'm serious!" She nodded enthusiastically, "You really would look handsome in those colors."

"Are you insinuating I don't look good now?" He quirked an eyebrow, unsure to exactly why he was joking with her. Did he really want to ruin his hard-earned reputation as a mean, snarky git?

"Oh of course not Professor. As a matter of fact I wanted to ask you something."

"What. . ."

"Will you go to the Halloween Ball with me. You can be Peter Pan, I'll be Wendy."

"Why in the world would I do something like that?" She had to be kidding, didn't Peter Pan wear tights? Well, if he remembered correctly they _were_ green.

"It'll be fun." Her voice was cajoling, "You know you want to."

"Miss Granger."

"Yes, Professor?"

"Go to work."

Hermione pouted and finally did as she was told. Placing a few pieces of bubblegum in her mouth she smacked it and began to work. When her professor didn't seem to be bugged she frowned and smacked the gum louder. This went on for at least 15 minutes before she heard what she was seeking.

"Miss Granger, if you smack that gum one more time I swear I'm going to throttle you within an inch of your annoying little life. Matter of fact, didn't I tell you no eating in this classroom? Throw it away." He was glaring at her, it was actually kind of cute that he thought he scared her.

Staring him right back in the eye she blew the biggest bubble she could, somehow managing to not cover her face in the pink goo as it popped.

"Another detention for intentionally breaking the rules." With a flick of his wand he made the gum whiz from her mouth and into the trashcan. She just pouted and got back to work, mumbling every now and then about impossible, fun-hating men with a vendetta against bubblegum.

She didn't even get halfway through the closet when detention was over an hour later. The man practically had every ingredient imaginable in there, it would take days of detention to finish. Hermione grinned, it wasn't like she was running short on detentions though.

"You may leave, Miss Granger." Snape didn't even look up from grading papers when he said this, foiling her plans to blow him another kiss. Pouting she decided to go with a different method. Taking out her wand she aimed a charm at Snape's quills. The spell would start to take affect tomorrow, and when it did. . . she smiled wickedly at the thought.


	7. See You Tonight

**AN:** _Holy potato sticks! I was shocked to put up the next chapter and come back to about 20 new reviews just hours later! I do have a couple things to say :] I know the chapters are short, but I'm working on trying to expand my writing more so it isn't so. . .short! xD As for the romance, I know you're all probably DYING to see it, but I am a evil person. I will, on the other hand, go ahead and put in that there will be a sequel to this story. If you want a little hint as to what it will be about, if you drop me a pm I might tell you. *evil grin* Now, On with the story!_

_

* * *

_

**Snape: **You just said you were going to BEGIN the story. Not write a dialogue between us.

**Reine: **But Sevvikins, I look forward to our little banter moments. *pout*

**Snape: **You _do _realize that technically everything I say is a figment of your imagination and therefore means you're talking to yourself. Let me correct that, _arguing _with yourself.

**Reine: **Awww, You're my better half Sevvi

**Snape: **I have to admit, I am quite amazing.

**Reine: **Anyway, without further ado. . .

**Snape: **. . .

**Reine: **I would like to announce. . .

**Snape: **. . .

**Reine: **That here is. . .

**Snape: ***Knocks Reine out and begins the story.*

* * *

Snape had to admit, he was almost looking forward to seeing what Hermione had planned today. Wait, why did he refer to her as Hermione? Nevermind, he thought shaking his head. Apparently the lack of sleep was getting to him. As the 7th years filed into class, along with the few who remained to stay one more year after the war, he was disappointed. She wasn't here?

Well, if you couldn't have amusement at least he could have some peace now.

"Today we will not be brewing any new potions, the Hospital Wing is low on stock and you will each be brewing for Madam Pomfrey. The potion assigned to you is on the board. Get to work and don't do anything stupid." He said the last remark glaring at a Hufflepuff prone to disasters. The twit was almost as bad as Neville, as much as he hated to say it. Sighing he grabbed the nearest quill and looked at the third year essays on Sleeping Draughts.

_The Sleeping Darught does _not _help you get laid, you idiot, although I do understand you probably need help in order for that to happen. _Severus wrote on one of the papers, appalled. What was wrong with students these days? He did not notice when the writing changed to read:

_This was a lovely essay, however, dearie, the Sleeping Draught will not help you have sex. I'm sure you can find a girl on your own anyway. Toodles. :)_

He continued grading, with each paper he was getting more and more of a headache, couldn't anyone learn to write a proper essay? Well, there was one person who could write a decent essay if she didn't show off by making it three feet longer than he asked.

_You can NOT make a Sleeping Draught by mixing sand from the sandman with pixie dust and ashwinder eggs. The sandman doesn't even exist, this has to be one of the worst potion essays I have ever read, and I taught Harry Potter! _

This time though, when the words changed he did notice. It was by chance that he took one last glare at the essay before moving on. He was not a happy Potions Master.

_You are a brilliant child, I never would of thought of mixing those three ingredients. Even though I absolutely love Harry Potter and the essays he gave me I find yours way more educational and thorough. _

He seethed, clenching his fists before looking through his graded essays. Every single one of them had nice comments left on them, to the point of making him nauseous. It didn't matter how idiotic the paper was there was a good report on it. He knew exactly who to blame, and she would pay.

He tried spelling the papers back to normal but it must of been a spell she invented herself because nothing worked. Practically raving mad he threw away his quills and put the essays in a drawer. He couldn't get rid of them but he damn sure wasn't going to give those back out to the students. They were delusional enough to believe what he supposedly wrote.

"Class is dismissed as soon as your potions are done, leave them on my desk." He snapped out before leaving, he was going to pay little Miss Granger a visit.

As he walked down the corridor he grinned evilly, what are the chances that she would happen to be walking towards him. Well, she _had_ been walking towards him, as soon as she spotted her Professor she turned around and tried to run.

"Miss Granger!"

She paused, and he could feel her dread, and it made him a very happy man. She slowly turned around, her face an emotionless mask except for her eyes that kept flickering back from fear to amusement.

"Would you like to explain why whenever I write with my quills the words change to. . . Say something _nice._

"Maybe its your guilty conscience at being mean all the time. Maybe you _meant _to write something mean but instead wrote something nice without noticing it." Snape snorted, it was a clever excuse but he knew better. It may of worked on a idiot, such as Ronald Weasley, but Snape actually had brain cells.

"We both know that is rubbish. Now how am I going to punish you. At this rate Gryffindor won't do too good on the House Cup." The last part came out with glee, it was about time Slytherin won the Cup again. "You will now have detention with me for the rest of the month. I also suggest you stop this foolish game."

"Professor, I have no idea what you are talking about! Besides, we all know I earn twice as many points in a day than you take away." The grin was back on her face, and it almost made him uneasy.

"Is that a challenge?"

"More like a statement of truth."

"10 points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Miss Granger." He snapped before turning around. All plans of revenge were gone, where to he didn't know. Just being around the annoying girl made him so frustrated he couldn't think straight, and Severus was a man who prided himself on quick thinking.

"Professor, see you later tonight." If Severus had been paying attention, he may of caught her double meaning. Then again, nobody could predict that Hermione had a death wish.


	8. Teddy Bears and Costumes

**AN: **_Sorry it took me so long to update, but to make it up to you I'm going to hold a contest. Snape is going to go to the Halloween Ball with Hermione. Leave in your Review on what you want them to be dressed as. Below are the four choices, have fun! _

Mad Hatter/Alice

Batman/Catwoman

Phantom of the Opera/Christine

Pikachu/Hello Kitty

* * *

**Snape: **I refuse to dress up as any of them.

**Reine: ** Buuuuut Snapey! You're the one who said you wanted to scare/shock the whole school by going!

**Snape: ** No, _you _said that, I had no choice in the matter.

**Reine: **Call it revenge for last time. *glares*

**Snape: **I said I was slightly regretful about knocking you out. That should suffice.

**Reine: **I hate you such much that I love you, right now. Oh, and nice boxers. *grins*

**Snape: **Stay away! Don't you dare get closer!

**Reine: **Oh Snaaaapeeey! *grins and tackle-hugs*

**Snape: ***Gasps for air and glares at the readers* Don't pick Pikachu, your lives depends on it!

* * *

"Helloooo Professor!" Hermione grinned up at him and even gave him a little salute, receiving a glare for her antics.

"Miss Granger, what a _pleasure_ to see that you made it on time." He voice really shouted that it was everything but a pleasure to see her. "Go continue your punishment from the night before, I want accuracy. Not one wing uncounted or unmeasured." With an extra fierce glare to prove a point he stalked off to, once again, grade papers. This time without the added affect of her little spell from earlier.

"Uhm, Professor." Hermione stared at him wide-eyed, bottom lip trembling. It had been almost an hour of blissful silcence, and she had to go ruin it.

"Are you dying?"

"No, but. . . "

"Don't even continue that sentence, you have 12 minutes. Go use them."

She sighed and went back to work. She had tried to tell him she was afraid of handling doxy eggs. Nobody knew but she sometimes had nightmares about doxys ruining her homework or living in her hair. Fortunately, this would help her plan tonight.

"You can go!" His voice suddenly boomed out, making her squeak and nearly drop the jar of dragon baby teeth.

"Night, Sir." She called after placing the jar in its appropriate place.

* * *

Someone was going to die, Snape thought as he sat up. Only an idiot would dare to knock on his door at two in the morning. Sighing in frustration he put on a robe over his boxers. When he finally opened the door he restrained himself from growling, he should of known. It was _her_ again.

"What do you want _Miss Granger_."

"Sir, I had a bad dream about Doxies and I tried to warn you I had a fear of them. You wouldn't listen and now I can't go to sleep!" Hermione squeezed out a tear for good measure.

"Go bother one of your friends, don't waste my time. 50 points from Gryffindor for your stupidity." He was about to slam the door in her face when she grabbed it with her hand. He stared at it, so pale and delicate looking. He felt like crushing it in the door, but instead opted for threats.

"If you don't let me go back to sleep right now. . . "

"But, Professor! I need you to be my teddy bear!"

"What?" He blinked, did he just hear her right?

"I need you to be my teddy bear, I'm scared."

"Go away."

"If you promise to go to the Ball with me and wear a matching costume."

"No."

"Please. Just imagine everyones faces when they see you actually show up in costume!" She pleaded, her eyes still wide and watery and she just looked so adorable in her nightgown. Bad Snape. He scolded himself, she is your student. Dirty old man. What could a ball hurt? He had to go anyway, Headmistress' orders.

"Fine. Now let me get some sleep."

"Thank you Professor! I'm not scared anymore!" She lunged at him and hugged him tightly before running away, presumably to her bed.

"What the hell have I gotten myself into." Snape muttered, heading for the Firewhiskey.

* * *

"Professor!" Snape sighed, she wouldn't leave him alone.

"Miss Granger?"

"Remember your promise! I'm going to pick out the _best_ costumes!"

"I decided not to go."

"Professor Snape, you promised, so you have to go." She was practically glaring at _him _now. Students did _not_ glare at him, he glared at _them_!"

"The Halloween Ball is in 5 days, if you can behave until then I'll go."

"Deal!" She smiled up at him happily, behaving would be easy. "Don't look so depressed, Professor. We're going to have fun!"

That was what he was afraid of.


	9. Why Sevvikins Likes Halloween

**AN: **_Ok everyone the VOTES ARE IN! No more votes will be accepted. We have a tie for first _and_ for second place. With eight votes first place goes to. . . Pikachu/Hello Kitty and Madhatter/Alice. Second place, with a total of 7 votes each, goes to Batman/Catwoman and Phantom/Christine! _

_How shall I break this tie? I decided to re-read e v e r y vote submitted and the majority of people thought that while Pikachu/Hello Kitty would be hilarious, Snape would most likely kill me, then Hermione. Others said MadHatter/Alice was used way too much. So do I use Hatter or Pikachu? Read to find out. *evil grin* By the way, if you want to see the exact costumes they wore, it should be on my profile page. I say should because fanfiction hates me and it takes forever to update my profile. :D I suggest you look at my profile after you read on, otherwise it will spoil the surprise. _

_

* * *

_"Absolutely, positively no way in hell am I wearing that." Snape sneered at abomination Hermione tried to call a costume. "What is that blasted thing anyway?"

"It's a Pokemon." Hermione explained calmly while secretly squealing in joy on the inside. That look on his face was beyond worth it. "It's called a Pikachu. I'll be going as Hello Kitty." She smiled widely at him.

"I refuse. You wear it, I won't." He crossed his arms, silently daring her.

"Okay, I'll be Pikachu, you can be Hello Kitty." She pulled a extremely short dress out and handed it to him, followed shortly by white cat ears.

"You've gone bonkers, woman!" His eyes were as wide as saucers, "No way in hell would I consider wearing this." Although a voice suggested that he would enjoy seeing her in it. _No, bad Snape! _He scolded himself. Last thing he needed was to lust after his student. Even if she would look good dressed like a cat.

"I figured you would say that." She sighed dramatically and with a flick of her wand the costume disappeared and were replaced by something different. "Thats why I picked up this at the last minute."

"Better. . . sort of." He mumbled. The costume he held was now a lot brighter but preferable to. . . _that yellow thing._ The new costume consisted of a very colorful top hat, the top was yellow, the base green with a blue and red rim. Next came a crazy white wig which he soon found out was attached to the hat. There was a white button-up shirt with a silky blue vest covering it, to top off the top was a huge lighter blue bow and a orange overcoat. Next came lime-green pants and simple black shoes.

"Its by far, too colorful." he complained after closer examination.

"You did promise me, are you going back on your word? We could always switch back to Pikachu. . . "

"No, no, no! This is fine. . . What are you wearing?" He looked around but she wasn't holding a costume.

"It's a surprise. You'll get to see it when I come to get you. You better be ready!" She held a pointed finger up at him and looked stern, but the look was lost due to her grin. "I mean it. I don't mind force dressing you."

"I'll be ready." Was all he said when she left and he began to get dressed in his rooms while she changed in the empty potions classroom.

Moments later when they were both fully clothed he heard a faint knocking at his door. When he opened it he was shocked. Hermione looked. . . He didn't know what to call it. She looked seductive, but also so innocent he couldn't quite call it that. He couldn't tell if she was blushing underneath the make-up, but he strongly felt that she was.

Hermione's costume stopped about four inches above her knees, it was a beautiful light blue dress with a white apron and short fluffy sleeves. The sleeves ended in a strip of black, and her apron had two big black buttons holding her shoulder straps in place. Under her dress was a pretty layered tulle petticoat. Her shoes were heeled and black with knee-high socks. She had styled her curly hair into sleeker, tamed curls and wore a pretty blue bow in her brown hair.

Simply put she was adorable.

"You look. . . Pretty." He complimented her, which made Hermione's eyes widen for a second. She hadn't expected him to compliment her, even if they were sort of becoming friends.

"You look quite dashing yourself." She winked at him and if Snape was capable of blushing he would have. Clearing his throat he offered her his arm, "Shall we?"

"Why, lets." She said and they both walked arm in arm to the Great Hall. Everyone who saw them had to do a double-take. It wasn't just the fact that Hermione looked so. . . Beautiful, but the hated potions master looked pretty nice himself. Not to mention they were walking arm in arm, which was the biggest shock of all. Everyone knew Snape hated the know-it-all and Hermione had been acting up around Snape a lot.

When they finally reached the great hall it was like Hermione expected it to be. The room was dark and decorated and already full of fourth years and up dancing. The music itself was a mixture between newer popular songs and eerie slow waltzes. It was simply amazing. Girls were dressed as fairies, princesses, muggle witches, and other various characters. The male wizards were also dressed in muggle costumes. Was that Harry dressed like Dracula with a red-haired Egyptian princess?

The music quieted down as if on cue as soon as Hermione and Snape fully entered the room. The song was one Hermione recognized, Dark Waltz by Hayley Westenra.

"Would you like to dance?"

"I would love too." She smiled and took his hand as they walked onto the dance floor, the violin darkly beautiful, the voice just starting to sing.

_We are the lucky ones_  
_We shine like a thousand suns_  
_When all of the colour runs together_

_I'll keep you company_  
_In one glorious harmony_  
_Waltzing with destiny forever_

The arm around her waist held her mere inches from his body, she felt nice and warm and wanted to rest her head over his heart but didn't. Couldn't. If anyone thought Alice and the Mad Hatter dancing together to a waltz was odd they didn't say anything.

_Dance me into the night_  
_Underneath the moon shining so bright_  
_Turning me into the light_

_Time dances whirling past_  
_I gaze through the looking glass_  
_And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven_

They twirled to the music, keeping time to the music without trying. It felt so natural to be in Severus' arms. _Wait, No. _She thought, _Professor Snapes arms are not to be comforting. You stupid, silly twit._

Severus himself was fighting his own battles, the music and dancing were making him feel relaxed. Her hand on his shoulder, other in his hand felt right, and he knew it was wrong. She was his student. He was an old man.

_Sacred geometry_  
_Where movement is poetry_  
_Visions of you and me forever_

_Dance me into the night_  
_Underneath the moon shining so bright_  
_Turning me into the light_

_Dance me into the night_  
_Underneath the moon shining so bright_  
_Let the dark waltz begin_  
_Oh let me wheel - let me spin_  
_Let it take me again_  
_Turning me into the light_

The music stopped and so did they. They didn't even realize that everyone had stopped to watch the couple dance. Hermione really was blushing now and Severus cleared his throat to stall.

"Punch?" He asked.

"Please." Her voice was breathless from the exertion of the dance, and she tried to tell herself it was also the reason why her face was flushed.

After her Professor walked away she was swarmed by her friends Ron, Ginny and Harry. Parvarti and Lavender were also there but she wouldn't call them friends.

"What are you up to, Hermione?" Harry asked, "When did you learn to dance like that?"

"Fourth year, same as you. Besides I'm not up to anything, I'm just having fun."

Ron sputtered, "With the Bat of the Dungeons? What is he wearing anyway? Matter of fact what are _you_ wearing." His eyes suddenly bugged out when he realized how short her skirt was.

"Please, Ron." Ginny rolled her eyes as she began, "Hermione can wear what she wants and dance with who she wants. Besides, Professor Snape looks hot tonight."

"I have to agree." Piped in Lavender, Ron's date.

"Ginny! Lav!" His face turned red as he stared at his girlfriend and sister, "You did not just call Snape hot."

Harry looked pale, "Ginny, I think you need glasses, love."

Parvarti just laughed before speaking up, "Anyway hottie is coming back, lets leave the couple alone." Hermione wanted to protest that they weren't a couple but Parvarti was already dragging the boys away with the help of the other two girls. Soon after Severus offered her a cup.

"Thank you." She took a sip and was pleased, it tasted like mangoes.

"You're Welcome." He played also took a sip of his drink. "What did the dunderheads want?"

Hermione playfully swatted his arm, "They're not all dunderheads. Well not completely." She was stumbling over what she was trying to say and huffed in frustration. "Ok Ron and Harry can be idiotic, but Ginny has a good head on her shoulder. Parvarti isn't so bad either."

"Miss Brown?"

"Barely tolerable, I'll admit to that." She smiled and he smiled back.

"I have to ask. . . " He began.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to finally bring an end to your game?"

"Game? What game?" She blinked up at him innocently causing him to laugh.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I'm afraid I can't." She said sadly, but her gleaming eyes said different.

"Why not?" Now his eyes were gleaming, and he had to admit as much as he wanted her to stop. . . He didn't.

"I have a list."

"You have a list."

"Yes, and until I finish the list I can't stop." She lowered her voice and whispered the last words into his ear as if it was a dire secret.

"Then I'm afraid one day I will have to make my own list and get back at you."

"That won't work."

"Why not?"

"I'm too smart." She stated smugly, "I would immediatly catch on and not let it bother me.

"I see." was all he said to her, but the wheels were already turning in his head. He just wouldn't let her be refuse to be bothered.

"I know that look!" She accused, "You're up to something! Well fine, make your list. I shan't care."

"What list?" He asked just as innocently as she had earlier. She didn't look amused and actually pouted at him.

For the rest of the Ball the two laughed and danced with each other, barely noticing anyone else was in the giant room with them. When the Ball was finally over Hermione walked with Professor Snape to the dungeons and bid him goodnight with a hug.

Both wanted to kiss the other, but neither dared to cross that line.

Not yet, anyway.


End file.
